Attn: Sneaker lovers.
A first date is probably one of the most traumatic experiences you can ever face as a human being. That, and walking in on your parents doing the dirty.
A first date is like a job interview, but instead you’re looking for a relationship — or just to get lucky. And exactly like a job interview, you want to enhance your best habits and traits and suppress your weaknesses and indiscretions.
Let’s be honest here, collecting sneakers is odd. Hoarding hundreds of shoes, lining up for hours on end without showering and setting up 8 screens for midnight sneaker releases is not something you want to put on show right away. Especially because anything to do with feet is instantly seen as creepy from those outside the loop. From experience, a sneakerhead’s habits need to be eased into a relationship.
I’m not saying don’t be yourself — I’m saying tone it down.
So how do you lighten it up to secure that second date? It’s all about self-control. And while I know you may find it hard to stop yourself from making compulsive sneaker purchases on a daily basis, I’m hoping you’ve got it in you to last it through just one night.
So, First things first —
What kicks should you wear?
This is the biggest issue sneakerheads face — like somehow your footwear has some magical appeal or character defining trait. But if she’s not a sneaker head, it won’t really matter.
She should be more interested in you.
Stick with something basic, and you can’t go wrong. If you rock up in something wild and it becomes a talking point, your obsession will start seeping thru your sweaty little pores. And believe me, it won’t smell anywhere near as nice as Calvin Klein’s Obsession.
During the date
Being a sneakerhead is hard to understand for your everyday person. They don’t get — not yet anyway. It’s best to keep the sneaker talk to an absolute
minimum zero. If she compliments you on your kicks, say thank you and move on. She doesn’t want to hear about your three-day campout with the 14th street crew that secured the bag or the ludicrous resale price you paid for them Belugas.
And stay the hell off Nike SNKRS (I know. There’s always surprise drops, but it’s not the place or time). Better yet, turn your phone off.
The drive home
“Hold on, I need to take off my shoes before I drive” you say with a confused glare staring right back at you.
I’ve dealt with this one before. And the explanation leaves you mumbling on about resale prices, making you sound like a deviant. If you are one to save your footwear from the crease-beast that is the car pedals, I give you two options.
1. You’re not gonna like this one; suck it up and drive in them for once. But if you can’t handle the intensity that will burn you up inside the whole ride home, up to the point of breaking a physical sweat, there is;
2. Do it on the stealth. Once the doors close, lights shut off — boom. Sneakers off. We suggest untied lace wear for this very reason.
The morning after
If you do manage to get lucky, put Shaniqua before the sneaker. And please, for the love of god, don’t rush out the door for the Saturday morning sneaker drop at Footlocker. It’s best for sneakerheads to organize an assist beforehand – or better yet, lock in your date for Saturday night to avoid any release conflicts altogether.
I know finding someone you want to date is hard, let alone finding someone who wants to date you, too. So let them into your freaky habit slowly, because it can overwhelm. After all, all we want someone to look at us the way we look at our sneakers.