5 Sneakerhead Habits That Make You Look Psychotic

Guilty of all Five.

Look, being a sneakerhead is weird. I mean, we hoard hundreds of boxes of sneakers, spend thousands of dollars every year, and spend all our weekend hunting down releases — and we can only ever rock one pair at a time. But we know our own weirdness. Other people don’t.

And while we can keep the stacks of boxes hidden away from the public eye, there’s distinct things we do that can’t be. There’s certain sneaker habits that we do publicly definitely make us look insane. The looks we get from the culture-ignorant lay somewhere between curiosity, confusion and bewilderment.

You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about — here are 5 of the most bizarre habits we all do that make us look like supreme weirdos.

1. Driving barefoot.

Ok, not all of you do this, but I sure as hell do. No way I’m ruining the back heel of my kicks with unnecessary wear. I mean I pay good money for my kicks, I want them to last.

The looks come from across the parking lot in confusion as I undress my feet before hopping into my ride. Worse when it happens on a first date. Try explaining that without coming off psychopathic.

2. Lineups.

This one’s always a mystery to passer-bys. “What are you all lining up for” I hear at least 3 or 4 times per release. And when they hear the answer, they’re even more confused — to a point where they don’t know what to say.

Well hey Sharon, I don’t bat an eye when you line up for tickets to see Pink, but your mind implodes when we lineup for an NRG release. But we’re all weird in our own little way, right?

3. Paying large resale amounts.

Ok, this only comes up in more intimate situations, or on the rare occasion someone comments on your extremely clean pair of out-there Off-Whites. When someone outside the loop asks you what they’re worth (or what you paid for them), shit goes from intrigue to disorientation as they try to crunch the numbers in their heads. The look of shock on the faces of people who just don’t get it is priceless, unlike the large prices we paid for them.

“They look expensive” Yeah they are.

4. Taking photos of your creps.

This is even weirder than the Asian girls who take 152 shots with a selfie stick to nail the perfect one. Only because selfies have somehow become socially acceptable (kind of). But if you’re there, taking snaps of your sneakers, people are going to think “Man. he’s probably stepped in shit and he’s just checking it out down there.” Until they realise no, you’re actually taking photos. Well, that’s usually followed by blank stares of “WTH”.

5. Protecting your kicks at all costs.

When you go anywhere, there’s gotta be a safer than normal radius to your personal space — you gotta protect those assets! But if someone gets near those J’s. it’s usually followed by an uncontrollable reflex action, then an aggressive stare-down. Being a father now, I very closely associate this reaction to some random stranger trying to kiss your baby.

Actually, it’s the same damn feeling, but this isn’t a baby, and the look back you get is some kind of scared confusion. They can see the psycho behind them eyes, boy.