Keyboard Kings.
Facebook sneaker groups. The people, the politics, the steals – with the good comes the bad. If you’ve been around the sneakerhead community for a while now, you’ll begin to recognise the consistent personality types of the individuals that make up these groups. And it’s always worth a laugh.
We’ve all encountered these 7 types of beings, but for those of you who are out of the loop, here is but a simple summary:
The Hypebeast
Not Supreme, Off-White or Kaws? Forgettaboutit. This guy is always decked from head to toe in a minimum of $10k resale value. And you can forget about any general releases that aren’t NRG or OG’s – even then, the OG’s need to be of hype – Bred 1’s, White Cement 4’s and Bred 11’s.
The Elitist
While not always directly related to the first type of sneakerhead, they usually do go hand in hand. The Elitist flexes his limited release in a typically arrogant fashion. He believes that if he were to get his hands on the latest Off-White collab, he will prevail the Facebook sneaker groups to become kingpin, while all us ‘peasants’ watch on in jealousy.
Truth is, we really don’t care (or like you)
The New Guy
OK, we all know these guys. “I used to be a massive Jordanhead – but now I’m just getting back into it” he says as he flexes his Dub Zeros, not knowing the extent of the ridicule he’s wearing on his feet. His only retros are the London Air Jordan 10’s and Dunk from Above Jordan 5 Lows, and in his eyes, they are the hottest thing he’s ever seen.
Bless him.
Mr. Assister
This is the guy everyone truly loves – because let’s be honest – everyone’s out for personal gain. So when some guy offers to assist on every release because he’s all about the community, who can say no?
You can be sure that he’ll assist every Saturday and never cop himself because the fam always comes first.
The Quiet One
Some may call him a ghost – but let me tell you; he’s watching your every move. But he doesn’t feel the need to weigh in on every issue, every post or flex every single one of his latest pickups. To be honest, the only reason he’s in the group is to utilize Mr. Assister’s benevolence, read the comments section when there’s a roasting going on and pick up some steals.
The Humble Flexer
These guys are also well-loved. Yeah they got all the drops, but they won’t tell you about it. They’ll rock up to a sneaker event in some rare-ass UNC PE you never thought existed. And over time you’ll develop a sense of what his rare collection may look like, without actually seeing any of it on social media at all.
Maybe it’s because he’s happy with himself and doesn’t feel the need for other’s approval? Surely not. He must be the weird one, not me.
The Admin’s Pet
These guys I cannot stand the sight of. When you see that certain someone comment on a community post, you just know it’s going to be backing up whatever the Facebook admin team have said. Because needing to feel loved and belonging is more important than the issue at hand.
He may be copping kicks weekly, but one thing he will never pick up is his own opinion.
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